Found

  I seem to have gotten lost along the way. If anyone still reads this then I am sure you noticed I pretty much fell off the planet of blogging. When really I didn't actually land, I was angry, had things I needed to say even if no one cared to listen. I found some where I could spew whatever bullshit came to my mind about this, that, and the other thing. I got busy or lost interest. I wasn't entirely sure which it was but I have come to realize the reason doesn't matter. What does matter are the little things in life that make you emotional. Its the little things that matter. The emotion brought about by the little things that  help shape your outlook on the day, week, month, or year. If you keep everything bottled up you eventually explode like mentos and coke. You can't prevent it if you re doing nothing to be proactive. In order to be proactive against your impending emotional demise you need to do something that helps you cope with everyday life. I want to start spewing my bullshit again, it makes me happy. This time the bullshit will not only be due to the fact that I am pissed off. I am going to try to write something at least once a week. I wrote something the other day but I thought I should fill people in on some other thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head. Also to explain what has been happening that took me away then lead me back to the blogging.
When answering either question the answer is the same...Dave and Buster's.
What I originally thought of as my salvation quickly became my hell which soon lead to being doomed. I quit doing pretty much everything I loved in order to be a part of something I was never really meant to be a part of ... Don't get me wrong I made some friends along the way. Only a few of which I know will be friends for a while. So with that in mind I can't hate my time there completely. There are times when I miss it the money the sense of comradry. Now that I am not right in the middle I can see most of the comradry is a facade. I tried so hard to conform to what the corporate world wanted me to be and since I didn't fit in any of the pre-cut holes, I was exiled. I spent a year of my life there doing any thing and everything asked of me and in return I have been royally screwed over. I spent so much time in that place I alienated any and all of the friends I had prior to that hell. I had a false sense of security as all of those who are there do. You are nothing important, no matter how hard you work, or how special your skills. you ARE expendable.
I am sure you are expendable in plenty of positions through out life. The thing is I don't want to be expendable any more. I want to be important while keeping what's important to me close. So I guess the situation is some what my responsibility. I got lost. I am working towards being found. Although I am damaged I am working towards getting those damages to be more like glitches. I am having some trouble relocating myself, with everything I put forth at Dave and Buster's just to be crushed is a hard wound to heal. Not to mention this all happened over a month ago and I am still unemployed, I have never been unemployed this long in a decade. So the wounds that were opened by the hell called Dave and Buster's are festering and infected. I can't make the wounds work for me as cute little quirks until I can get this damage control under way.
.I think writing my feelings will be helpful in finding myself. I don't even care weather or not people take the time to read this it makes me feel better just getting all this off my chest. I have been thinking this over and over in any way i can twist it and Ive come up with no conclusions. I will be OK, then good, and one day in the future I will be great. The faster I can heal the damages caused from being expendable, not only from Dave and Buster's but so many other areas in my life. The sooner I can get back to who I was and with some improvements.
Wish me luck with my realizations. Come find me Ive not quite made it through ... No doubt that I will because I am strong but some help, support, ears or eyes will definitely help me along my slow journey of emotional recovery.